Change can be something we welcome, other times we find it hard to adjust. When we are used to one way of thinking, behaving or even living, the effort it takes to make a lasting change is a true challenge. This can be true of any change in our lives – some are easier than others. For me, the changes I have made have been around self image, self talk and self development. I wasn’t kind to myself with my self talk, and knew there had to be a change there – but fixing that is a daily task. My self image is improving over time, I am certainly more forgiving to myself these days. And self development continues to be a learning curve, one which I attribute to my recovery from depression. Understanding more about myself, how I think and react to life’s challenges has been a transformation process, and a new passion of mine. Its easy for me to say, you can change your thoughts, emotions, behaviours. Change is not to be feared – we do it all the time, without realising consciously. I now know there is a difference between today’s Me and yesterday’s Me. Today’s Me is more forgiving, accepting, and compassionate to yesterday’s Me too. My change of pattern took a while, but change I did.

During the first steps in my career as a kids club rep, I remember being stood at the front of a welcome meeting in C’asa Bonnes hotel, Magaluf. Listening to an experienced rep do her spiel, whilst frozen to the spot knowing that my turn was coming up. Shaking head to foot with nerves about introducing my bit to the holidaying guests. I wanted to be sick – I was sweating with fear. I held on to that clipboard for dear life! As I went to speak, my throat dried up and my voice quivered. I read the lines on my board like a robot. It was an awful experience for me – I’m sure everyone has had a similar experience that sticks out as a day that didn’t go as planned…  As time went on, things got better. It took a few weeks to let go of the clipboard, but the nerves I felt remained the whole season. The voice quivering, the shakes, sweats and robotic voice until I relaxed into my stride. I did more on-board welcome meetings following that awful experience, but when I changed career I didn’t really do much public speaking. 

That changed in 2018, when I had to rise to the challenge again. This time, a talk at a public event. The speaker before me was incredible – I was on the verge of crying at their story, even though I’d heard it before. Before my turn, I had a bit of a laugh with a friend to try to distract the feelings of fear that briefly showed up. It worked – From this talk on, I realised that laughter helped calm my nerves. I still endeavor to laugh before every talk,  vlog, live videos etc. Laughter can be powerful when it comes to mood, outlook, and feelings. So when presented with a challenge at the start of September – another speaking gig of sorts –  I donned my dress and heels, entered my workplace, relaxed myself with my ‘laughing trick’ and presented. It was for a ‘Teams’ online pitch about my coaching programme ‘EmotionMind Dynamic‘. The audience were a number of academics, students – People high up in their profession, and on their way up the ladder. Daunting. With just a few nervous stammers, I pitched ‘EmotionMind Dynamic’ to the virtual room. I let them know all the plans I had considered, it was amazing for my own growth and development, my speaking and my business.

Looking back, I am so proud of the whole thing. I’m proud of me! Just three or four years ago, I wouldn’t have been as confident – in presentation, image, pitch, tone. Being comfortable with presenting the people in the room, and having confidence in my ability to do my job well. The fear, or lack of, was the change that helped me that day. 

The person we are today, might not be the same person as we were in the past. We do change, and its not to be feared. We can continue to evolve into the people we look up to, admire, want to emulate. We may need some advice, guidance and support along the way to make those changes. We definitely need to practice these changes with challenges that lie ahead. But we can do it, and be proud of the progress we’ve made along our journey. If you are looking to make changes in your life, remember to look back at yesterday’s You with a smile. Show that person some love and forgiveness – you will learn more, understand more in time and the changes that your feared most will come about without much effort. Tomorrow’s You could be a different person entirely.