It is heartbreaking to hear a misunderstood child explain what is going on for them. The saddest thing I hear is children voicing that they are so broken, no one can help them. This belief is compounded when people dismiss their concerns about their mental health.
I’ve stopped asking why, why can be such an aggressive question and when you don’t know why children (and adults) can become defensive, they just can’t answer you.
When you ask “what is going on?” It gives them room to explore the whole situation, it makes them stop and think, no defense, just a story to tell.
I worked with a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old recently and they were honest in their replies and surprised by the answer because no one offered them the option to understand what was going on for them. I saw the relief as they understood their own behaviour.
Helping children with understanding why they behave the way they behave is a fantastic job. They suddenly realise that they aren’t powerless, they have options and can change the things they want to change.
Children don’t want to act the way they do when they are angry, sad, or lonely, their behaviour is an expression of what is going on for them
Taking action can be really difficult when you are living with depression and or anxiety, you’ve probably tried to make change but been defeated, you’ve tried again and it knocked you further down and you’ve probably tried a few more times without result.
All you need is to learn a different way to do it, new information, new skills, a little bit of confidence and the right person supporting you and you can do it. I know how hard it was to keep trying after so many failures, I did stop but then I learned and my life changed beyond anything I could have imagined.
I am listening.
I believe in you.