I am having a few internal arguments about a particular situation which is time limited.
My stubborn side says forget it, walk away.
The other side is stubborn, says no do it. You never give up, show those people you can do it.
My sensitive side is sitting in blame and anger.
The rational bit of my brain says when the pressure is just right it will all come together as usual.
My lazy side says leave it all go, it won’t kill you.
All of these with the ongoing thoughts and rollercoaster of emotions have the ability to massively affect my behaviour. Not only towards this situation but daily life too. I was teetering today, wanting to let the frustration out but rationally. Without an appropriate outlet, instead I spent time with my daughter watching a new TV series.
There was a time when this would have taken hold. It would have consumed me mentally, emotionally and even physically. Not today, and as little in the future as possible. We always have internal dialogue. The problem is it isn’t always obvious that we have slipped from neutral or positive to negative. We can absolutely get lost in it, both positive and negative.
Being consumed by internal positivity is great. Your perception of the world is better, your decision and problem making skills are improved. You feel good, your relationships are positive and your outlook happier. But being comsumed by negativity is horrible. It brings you down, your outlook is grim. Your emotional state is affected, your mind can take you to dark places and there is nowhere to hide. Although we are more likely to show positivity, both scenarios are invisible to the naked eye. Its only when you look a little bit closer, and ask different questions and be persistent.
I’ve written a list of things I was dealing with with my depression. On top of being a mum to four children, wife, business owner, etc. The list stands at around 103 and a lot of these were experienced minute by minute. It will be published in my online programme. Never had I really thought about it before. But it shows how I am learning more about how I work, even now.
Be kind, be mindful, be aware. Poor mental health doesn’t always show up as we expect. We can always continue to be more kind, to ourselves and others.